A life in episodes

At age 15, the author found a 1946 pocket calendar belonging to their mother in a drawer. The calendar contained a note from nine months before the author’s birth, written by their mother, that read: ‘God, what have I done!’. This discovery led the author to believe they were an unplanned child, a feeling that remained private for decades. The author later shared this memory on Facebook, expressing doubt about the public exposure but hoping to understand the shame associated with it. The post sparked responses from readers, including Betty, a former colleague, who noted that the author had delivered the story with a flat, ironic tone, unaware of their own emotional detachment. This revelation marked the beginning of the author’s exploration into how public writing reshapes personal memory and self-perception.

Traditional autobiography is a solitary process, where authors privately gather materials, memories, and drafts before publishing a final work for readers. Social media, however, disrupts this model by allowing authors to share drafts and fragments of their life stories in real time. The author began posting episodes of their life on Facebook about a decade ago, turning the process into a dialogue with readers. This public engagement forced the author to reconsider their understanding of personal achievements, relationships, and self-image. Instead of asking what happens when a memoir is posted online, the author questioned how self-image evolves when it is shaped in public. This shift highlighted the difference between private and public narratives, as readers’ immediate feedback influenced the author’s evolving perspective.

The author, a professional historian of science, developed an approach called existential scientific biography, which focuses on the personal context of a scientist’s life rather than just their social or cultural environment. This method was inspired by Niels Kaj Jerne, a Danish immunologist and Nobel Prize winner (1974), whom the author interviewed extensively for a biography. Jerne’s unconventional candor about his personal and scientific life led the author to view these realms as interconnected. The author’s work on Jerne’s biography, published in 2003 as Science as Autobiography, explored how personal experiences shape scientific work. This approach contrasts with the traditional view of biography as merely a handmaid to history (ancilla historiae), where the subject’s life serves as raw material for broader historical analysis.

After retiring as a professor of the history of medicine at the University of Copenhagen, the author decided to write their own life story, reversing the roles of biographer and subject. This decision was sparked by clearing out their office and realizing the emotional weight of decades of accumulated materials, including manuscripts, correspondence, and lecture notes. The author spent three years reviewing these materials, supplemented by memories and conversations with people from their past, such as childhood friends, colleagues, and former partners. This process was not just factual but emotionally intense, as revisiting old letters and diaries stirred pride, embarrassment, and pain. The author framed this work as an act of self-care, inspired by the ars moriendi (art of dying well), a medieval concept emphasizing reflection on one’s life as a form of preparation for death.

Unlike traditional autobiography, which is typically a solitary endeavor, the author’s project involved reaching out to people from their past to gather alternative perspectives on their life. This included interviewing hundreds of acquaintances, colleagues, and even former romantic partners to contrast their own self-image with others’ recollections. Some interviews yielded little beyond superficial details, but others provided surprising candor. This collaborative approach broke the solitude of the genre and introduced a new dimension to life-writing. The author also drew inspiration from philosophers like Søren Kierkegaard and Michel Foucault, who viewed intellectual work as a form of life and self-examination as a technology of the self, respectively. This framework framed the author’s archival work and conversations as spiritual exercises aimed at greater self-awareness.

The author chose Facebook as the platform for sharing their life story due to its suitability for longer texts and its existing network of friends and colleagues. They began posting episodes of their life in a feuilleton format, a serial storytelling style inspired by television series rather than 19th-century novels. The feuilleton is divided into 16 provisional seasons, each focusing on a thematic period of the author’s life, from childhood to their current stage. Episodes are published 3-4 times a week, with each post ranging from 300 to 500 words. The author does not follow a strict chronological order but writes based on curiosity and nostalgia, completing each season chronologically once started. The process involves drafting privately before refining the text for public consumption, often discovering weaknesses in the narrative only when writing for readers.