A life in episodes

At age 15, the author found a 1946 pocket calendar belonging to their mother in a drawer.

The calendar contained a note from nine months before the author’s birth, written by their mother, that read: ‘God, what have I done!’.

This discovery led the author to believe they were an unplanned child, a feeling that remained private for decades.

The author later shared this memory on Facebook, expressing doubt about the public exposure but hoping to understand the shame associated with it.

The post sparked responses from readers, including Betty, a former colleague, who noted that the author had delivered the story with a flat, ironic tone, unaware of their own emotional detachment.

This revelation marked the beginning of the author’s exploration into how public writing reshapes personal memory and self-perception.