Needlemouth
Outside, we play House. My cousin Mandy, my cousin Yangyang, and me.
The story centers on three cousins—Mandy, Yangyang, and the narrator—who spend summers at their grandmother (Ama)'s house in a yard with a kumquat tree and weeds. Their daily lives are shaped by two maternal aunts: Cold-Blooded Ayi, who is affectionate but critical, and Aunt Elizabeth, who is emotionally distant. Cold-Blooded Ayi and Aunt Elizabeth represent contrasting parenting styles: the former is openly expressive, while the latter avoids physical affection, even drinking water in a way that avoids touching the cup. Their interactions reveal generational trauma, with Cold-Blooded Ayi lamenting her sister's failed marriages and Aunt Elizabeth reflecting on her own absent motherhood. The cousins also interact with their neighbor Xiaocai, who introduces them to a comic book about Wonder Woman, a character molded from clay, sparking a moment of shared wonder amid their strained relationships.
Cold-Blooded Ayi and Aunt Elizabeth are avid consumers of soap operas, a genre of dramatic television shows featuring recurring storylines, ritual suicides, and emotional outbursts. Cold-Blooded Ayi interprets these shows as reflections of real-life gender dynamics, arguing that men prioritize their first romantic partners and cannot resist their desires, while women must accept this behavior to avoid blame. The narrator, however, finds the repetitive nature of soap operas suffocating, comparing them to an endless cycle of death and rebirth where characters are killed off only to return as their descendants. The narrator resists this cyclical view of life, asking ghosts for meaning and questioning the purpose of existence, especially when tied to familial expectations. The aunts' advice to the cousins—such as Cold-Blooded Ayi's statement that 'Three women together produces one soap opera'—highlights the cultural pressure to conform to traditional gender roles.
The narrator struggles with a sense of displacement, unsure of her biological mother and feeling like an outsider in her grandmother's house. While Mandy and Yangyang have clear familial ties—Mandy to Cold-Blooded Ayi and Yangyang to Aunt Elizabeth—the narrator lacks this anchor. Mandy dismisses her concerns, insisting the narrator has a real home elsewhere, but the narrator cannot recall it. This ambiguity extends to her physical presence: she describes herself as a 'useless appendage' and compares her uvula (the fleshy pendulum at the back of her throat) to a purposeless organ. Her attempt to cut it off with scissors symbolizes her desire to remove parts of herself she deems unnecessary, a theme reinforced by her aunts' belief that 'deprivation is our strength.' The narrator's alienation is further emphasized by her exclusion from the family's emotional intimacy, as the aunts share secrets with her only because they perceive her as 'empty.'
The cousins play a game called House in the yard, where they assign roles such as Father, Mother, Daughter, and Pet. The narrator is often relegated to the role of Pet, an animal with no agency, reflecting her perceived lack of autonomy. The game mirrors real-life power dynamics, as Mandy dictates the roles and enforces them physically, pushing the narrator to her knees. Xiaocai, however, challenges the game by introducing an alternative narrative inspired by a comic book about Wonder Woman, who was created from clay and given life by lightning. This moment of creativity contrasts with the rigid, oppressive structure of the House game. The narrator's discomfort with the game is palpable, as she questions her place in the family and the world, comparing herself to earthworms that Mandy claims can regenerate but which she suspects are dead upon being unearthed.
The story explores the cultural expectations placed on women in this setting, particularly the idea that marriage and motherhood are inevitable and that women must endure hardship to fulfill these roles. Cold-Blooded Ayi and Aunt Elizabeth advise the cousins to accept men's infidelity and prioritize their needs, framing it as a form of civilization. They also emphasize the importance of staying in difficult situations, as seen in Aunt Elizabeth's statement, 'If you suffer in this life, you will be rewarded in the next.' The narrator resists these expectations, both in her actions—such as her attempt to mutilate herself—and in her thoughts, which are filled with existential questions about the purpose of life and suffering. The story suggests that these pressures are cyclical, much like the soap operas the aunts watch, and that breaking free from them is a constant struggle.
