Am I the Asshole For Ordering a Book at My Local Indie and Just… Not Picking It Up?

A writer joined a professional writing group after a phone call with the facilitator, who assured them of a good fit despite concerns about their limited experience. The group’s description mentioned using writing prompts for in-group sharing, which the writer understood as a free-writing exercise. After the first meeting, the facilitator emailed the writer, stating they were not welcome to return because their writing was deemed raw and unprofessional. The writer was told the first session was a trial and would not be charged. The writer feels rejected and wonders if they were misled, as they only discovered the group’s expectations after attending. The facilitator’s role involved organizing the group and communicating expectations, while the writer’s role was as a participant sharing their work.

The writer’s rejection may stem from poor communication within the group’s leadership. The facilitator who approved the writer’s participation might not have aligned with the person running the in-person meetings. Additionally, the group had undergone changes, including long-time members leaving, which could have led to shifts in structure or expectations. The writer had no way of knowing these internal issues. The facilitator’s role was to assess fit, but their judgment may have been influenced by these uncommunicated changes. The writer’s experience highlights how group dynamics and leadership decisions can impact participants, even when the participant follows the stated rules.

The second question asks whether it is a-hole behavior to preorder a book from an independent bookstore and then not pick it up, or delay picking it up despite multiple reminders. The writer notes that bookstores may have to call or email customers multiple times to retrieve preordered books, which creates extra work. Unlike library holds, where multiple people wait for a single copy, bookstore preorders involve individual copies paid for in advance. The writer suggests this behavior is rude because it inconveniences staff, though they acknowledge booksellers may have different perspectives. The context involves the ethical considerations of preordering and the responsibilities of both customers and bookstores.

The writer explains that booksellers may have to call customers multiple times to remind them about preordered books, following a three call rule where they attempt contact up to three times. This workload can be significant, especially if customers never respond or pick up their books. While preorders generate revenue for the bookstore, the physical storage and administrative effort of tracking and contacting customers still require time and resources. The writer implies that customers who preorder books should prioritize picking them up promptly to avoid burdening staff. The context is the operational challenges faced by independent bookstores when managing preorders.